Docking Bay 94

Funky Green Dogs

2006-09-11T00:28:00.000-07:00

Friday night we had a surprise birthday event for my friend. His wife arranged for all of us to do a race at this go-kart place. Now go-karts you maybe think lawnmower engine powered happy fun mobiles. These things were along the lines of what they race professionally on a kart level. After a video briefing they sent us to get racing suits , hood socks, helmets and gloves on. Neck braces were attached as well just before going in. I was giddy like a child getting into my car. Soon as they released me from the pit area I was laughing my balls off at how fast that thing got going. Wasn't til the completion of the first lap coming out of the final turn that I could open it up. Nearly shit myself. Too much fun highly recommend it to anyone. $25 bucks a race though but you do get your moneys worth. Dromo One in Orange off Katella and Main, they have a website as well - dromo1.com or somesuch.

After the racing we headed back to play some poker. Random compilation CD and this song comes on. Got me to thinking about. . . eh you know.

When I see you, you make me lose all control
Like a fire burning deep in my soul, yeah
And when I feel you it feels like Im in heaven
It goes on forever like a dime on a roll

And when I hear you calling it's like heaven
I'll wait here forever 'till I'm out of the cold, yeah
And when I hear you calling I'm in heaven
We'll be there together, no, I won't be alone

You got me fired up, fired up
You got me so
You got me fired up, fired up
You got me so

You got me fired up, fired up
You got me so
You got me fired up, fired up
You got me so

You got me so
You got me so
You got me so
You got me so

When I see you, you make me lose all control
Like a fire burning deep in my soul, yeah
And when I feel you it feels like I'm in heaven
It goes on forever like a dime on a roll

And when I hear you calling it's like heaven
I'll wait here forever 'till I'm out of the cold, yeah
And when I hear you calling I'm in heaven
We'll be there together , no, I won't be alone

You got me fired up, fired up
You got me so
You got me fired up, fired up
You got me so

May not look like much on screen, I think its the womans voice that really sold it. A sense of intense longing in her voice. Anyways just thougth I'd share. Nice to discover music that does something for you now and again.

Just a few more minutes mom....

2006-09-07T08:22:00.000-07:00

Apparently I am too wordy and write too much. We'll my attention defunct friends get yer tap shoes ready. No coffee and I was still asleep on the drive in to work. Yeah I don't know where I am right now. Of course that silver eclipse convertable cutting me off woke me up right good. WTF you dont see the angry detroit steel with the drivers head nodding bearing down on ya? Can't wait 4 extra seconds for me to pass? You wanna get in front of that in a fiberglass rice rocket? Whatever Mitsu-bitch-shi. Why are we out of coffee?!??! Oh LORD! ( throw myself on the floor like tia at a funeral )

Not So Magical Afterall

2006-09-02T00:33:00.000-07:00

So we went to Disneyland say about 3 hours ago. Went specifically to see Fantasmic ( pause for groans ) since I haven't actually ever seen it in all the time its been out. Fifty minutes before showtime no prob we're in the standing area in the middle, see the people with blankets, radios, thermos ( wtf is the pl. for thermos anyways? Who has more than one thermos at any given time? Like to meet that guy he's big livin') all those people with all those things laid out I see their comitted to campin out so be it.

Thankfully in the 21st century we get entertainment in the palms of our hands just about anywhere we go. Got plenty to watch until the show starts if I can somehow manage to ignore, shut out, resist fashioning a torpedo out of tourist attire, cotton candy and a disposable camera thus sinking a floating 8th Amendmant Right. I have to share my time waiting with a live band of 30 somethings playing a gig on the Rivers of America in front of Middle America....and Middle Mexico since I hear every announcement twice. I know that its crowded folks but if you must and insist on dropping ass. . . . . could you like I dunno take a fucking walk!? Stuck with this sour fart cloud around us a small number of us must suffer while some lazy sadist torments us.

Show starts and ah, yeah black light monkeys, thats what you're gonna go with huh there "Land"? Really large public displays of blacklight should be illegal, we're not really going to miss it. I dunno show finished and I was thinking "I just lost to the Land. . . . and not one fuckin' Sleestak nor a Pakuni for that matter.

Disney Sea has a whole section devoted to Jules Verne and a sort of Steampunk looking area. "Journey to the Center of the Earth" ride kicks ass over anything we got. It's like Indiana Jones after a bump, some speed and a hooker. The serpent / dragon in Fantasmic compared to this 20 foot sub-terranean lava elemental is like a paper mache hand puppet with some lights to a Killer Bipedal Clown Robots from Beyond or sumthin'. You dont get to see it long they sort of tease you with it, but its an awesome sight. Right after you see this huge monster in a fiery rage your vehicle takes off as you go spiraling up a path only to accelerate uphill then jet down abruptly after exiting the volcano. Great freakin ride. More to it of course great atmosphere and immersion. Plus the entire fucking line was Japanese aaand half or better were girls!! Mwaahhaahaaa Lookit em all! Ahem. . . so theres that , that happended.

Oh last part was nice I forgot, on the way to the "Land" this guy in a pickup is merging and I gotta get on the brakes a little two lanes into one and all. Didn't have time or the power for that matter to get around him so when he saw us he doffed his hat, dont see much of that anymore it was very decent of em.

Key to Links

2006-09-01T08:34:00.000-07:00

Supe - Japanese rock band wifes cousin is in
Astronomy Pic of the Day - I get all my wallpaper from here, or just stare dreamily at the pics
Palladium Books - RPG company that makes the games we love to play
Yahoo News - Newsflash, if you need an explanation turn the computer off and give it to someone that can really use it
Digg - User submitted story dump. Lots of good info to be found there.
MrsEsterhouse - Thats my Battlefield 2 page, records my exploits in vitrual warfare, which I dont mind saying, I excel quite well at. I've been called unholy and a bad man. 12 year olds the world over Ph3aR me. Yeah Im proud of that, goin really far on that ticket.

Focus of Rage

2006-09-01T08:05:00.000-07:00

So Fantasy Football draft last night. By the 3rd round my friends got tired of me trying to draft my favorite Asian starlets from adult sin-ama. Talk about a huddle. "Charmane I'll hand off to you, Aiko you run a screen, Miko go long you dirty whore. . . on 2 on 2 break!". I didn't have a clue about what I was doing. My team the Judicators have been affectionately dubbed the Judy Garlands from last season which was my first. I'd pick a player and then gauge my choice by the repsonse I got from others.

Poker quickly ensued, with my best friend which whom I work with and his dad my boss, head honcho, Red Leader or Charles - whatever you want to call him ( see cause he's in charge. . . in charge? eh? yeah right ok ). Boss didn't stay very long just played a few hands then ducked out. A full house and top pair later I'm sitting pretty upon my throne of chips, ended up big stack, thats right ladies and guy, cashed out with $75 so up $35 none too shabby for a small game.

*Bleeeat Bleeeeat Bleeeat* "It's 70 degress along the beaches, inland can expect early afternoon. . . " A blind fist silences the demon box that insists on keeping my life in order. You know I love you alarm clock but I swear one day you and me are going to take a long ride out to the desert. My morning was a bit hazy as it still is now. About to leave I was informed that I had something in my nose by the look, oh no my bad that was the you need to trim since you shaved your beard look. They look so alike, I didn't notice the added look of distgust in the brow. Snip snip snip and my eye errupts in that squinting pulsing pain. There is a sound that accompanies your eye trying to escape your occular socket when irritated, I have a hard time putting into words, but its like some bad Sci Fi sound effect when realities crumble. Great I got one extremely red eye now. Going to my car I hear a bell on the collar of an animal. Kitty cat and. . . what is that black thing. . . bunny rabbit. Odd, ok I dont question it, Bunnies live on the Earth like me just seemed a bit out of place. Mustang booted in the driveway is still there making my parking navigations a bit more perilous. On my way a little behind schedule, nothing new there. Then I find an annoying object that becomes the focus of my rage. Which really isn't rage, just annoyed morning syndrome - thats right AMS is real folks. A have a nice day looking Ford Focus with a custom plate. So Hap E and she's got a cutesy wittle frame around it. She's on the phone too, not too bad, kinda cute for a white girl. She never made any bad driving maneuvers, never cut me off but that damn yellow happy face car was in front of me for 5 seconds too long. I had a vision of flooring it and just plowing that little domestic coffin out of my way, laughing maniacally as I take my rubber stamp out and tally up another kill on the side of my door. Coffee is ready.

Public Enemy Industry

2006-08-30T02:07:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the media, politcians, lazy parents, feral bastard children. . . well the whole lot of us most of the populace has heard of Grand Theft Auto [GTA]. No one really cared too much about up until some crimes were linked to the title. I can still remeber my first time playing it. Looked nothing like it does today mind you. It was a 2D top down scroller that allowed you to travel all over this expanse of a city. You could maraud, kill and maim law enforcement and innocents alike. Shoot em, run em over, burn em or just plain blow em up. There were roving congalines of Hari Khrishnas to take out. Get em all before they scatter and you are treated to bonus points and GOURANGA! on the screen. We laughed our asses off. Walk up to a nice sports car, drag the guy out then run him down with his own car. We laughed our asses off. Can't say I've done any of those. I was a helluva lot of fun in that game though.

So computers being what they are mate like rabid rabbits going down on the Titanic. They exponetially leap year after year and lo and behold the games move from the bland 2D moving drawings of stuff happening to 3D standing in their own wittle word with a chainsaw whirrring in hand character. In my teens computer games needed a lot of imagination to go along with them cause they were so rudementary. When compared by todays standards its to the point where you can count the pixels of the guy you are controlling in the old ones. Versus a seemingly endless number of pixles per polygon per model which are many of (polygons) in todays models.

Now that person you beat in the game take on a whole new look and has a greater impact. Instead of a comical splat and telltale stain you get a more gruesome look at the act. Ragdoll physics, dismemberment, fountains of blood, eviscerations you name it are accurately dipicted for your amusement. Can't say I've done any of those.

Don't see a reason computers should slow down in the near future. If anything our lust for tech will drive the development till pretty soon people will risk going into shock after seeing their likeness gunned down and hacked up. Photo-realism isn't too far off folks. The line between reality and the virtual one will blur ( Sounds like the begining of a bad movie preview. . .) this summer hold on tight because when the lines blur. . . there is no where to run. . . Da Da Dada Da.

Enjoy it while it lasts however, it is an inevitability people will just leave others "plugged" into these future games to keep them quiet and out of their hair. Kids won't be able to distinguish from the game and life. Chuck E. Cheeses, amusement parks and schools will become slaughterhouses after their inhabitants become trained killers. No one will be able to stop them and its going to be "Lord of the Flies" all over. So parents lest you want to be forced to breed more soldiers, work in the mines and happy camps your last miserable, terror filled days. . . keep an eye on what the fuck your child does, we'll all be better for it. I'll have my games as will my geek bretheren. Kids will not make Anaheim the new mecca and force me to do some horrific task for all eternity. Everyone wins.

Epipha-wha?

2006-08-28T22:40:00.000-07:00

I can't really recall what led up to this whole thought or what have you. I was getting some salad together for dinner just talkin', probably scarin' the missus. Something to do with the Sun...oh oh it just came back to me. I do this funny nondescript immigrant character voice at home to entertain myself, the wife and any unfortunate solicitors on the phone. I'll have to come back to that last bit afterwards. SO, the guys voice is an amalgamation of several comedic characters I've seen in movies, heard on air or encountered. He's from Houtspamatamia, is berry berry far. I was going to get letter back...ehhhh from wheeeere I come. It go by ani-mall, mostly ani-mall with 4 leg. . . . SOMETIME 2 leg. . and berry berry rare eh. . . is fly. . on wing. ( When she asked about which animal has two legs I said kangaroo, but that didn't make sense. . . I mean there aren't any kangaroos in Houtspamatamia, there just aren't! ) Oh, there is horse. . . have only 2 legs. . . an go like this. . . (mimic two legged horse, blah blah blah get to goat and eating them).

I used goat cause recently goats have become the new cat. Any petting zoo, its on like Donkey Kong for a good 30 minutes of goat lovin'. The good kind mind you where they nuzzle up while you scratch them looking at you with those odd goat eyes. . . somewhat magical some might say. Some being people on meds in padded rooms cause Mr. Tumnis promised to take them back the La La land. So back on topic if yer still with me about the Sun, oh yes I mentioned out of character that people used to sacrifice goats and lambs to their Gods. And then how people used to sacrifice people to the Sun. You know ball of light that gives off heat, provides life and likes to take these 12 hour snoozes. . . about every 12 hours. Imagine if you will having no concept of what a planet is, what a star is, FUCK fusion that one is right out nor what a solar system is. One day minding the field the Almighty is high in the sky and all of a sudden. . . he's ducking out early. This goes against all that is right, I mean you haven't stoned the town whore before eating yet what the hell?! The Almighty is punishing us by taking away His gift of light and life, Oh SHIT ON US We're really really screwed now. . . Unless! A virgin! Yes a befitting gift for one as powerful lets offer her lifeforce or someshit to Him. HEY HEY it worked He is appeased, shit is back to normal, still got time for the stoning party on. That was an eclipse btw for the late person.

Yeah they didn't have a clue right? Well eventually these somewhat intellectual types figured out that A. The Earth is round and B. The Earth goes around and around the Sun. Nevermind the hundreds of years it took for everyone to agree on that without claiming heresy then setting aforementioned intellectual types on fire. We've moved on from the radiant light we can see in the sky to the radiant being in the sky we can't see. Oh no no he was here trust me and he used to speak to people in fact he sent his boy down to chill shit out, but that kinda stopped happening. Meanwhile the radiant being idea has taken on many incarnations relating to their respective cultures. But getting back to the whole origins of such an idea, the Sun. Misunderstood so we label it as such. Godly. Aaaahhuuummm ahhhh! Imagine if you will events taking place today that we all take for granted occuring in the time of Christ. Would seem pretty fantastic right? Calling flame forth from my hand, capturing a window of time on a small box, killing a man at 100 paces with a frightful sound, expulsing a liquid that send people to the ground writhing in pain and agony or saving a life with a little knowledge and knowhow. Now take that same person performing great feats and give them a couple millenia head start. Only in our wildest dreams could we imagine what that time allotment would yield. Conquest of mortality? Flight on the individual level? Development of the mind that might be considered supernatural even by todays standards. Wonder what people back then would say.

"Jesus fucking Christ would you look at that."

Another Giant Leap

2006-08-23T09:39:00.000-07:00

I was a bit late arriving on this rock, about 7 years before our race made it to the Moon. Looks like we're getting ready for an encore. We're not alone in that respect neither. Several other countries are making ready to visit the Moon as well, but we don't have to worry about them right now. Ideally I'd like to see everyone pool their resources and get there together. Of course we have a better shot at the Jewish-Arab Mixer at Circus-Circus with keynote speaker David Duke and G-Unit performing live.

Sadly however, the dream of a "lunar wild west" is dead on arrival. Already these ass clowns are selling land on the Moon. I'm sorry but did you just sell land on a place you can see but nary a citizen can get to? These same clowns are the types with pony-tails crusing Melrose in a white Miata blastin' Creed while sipping on a Venti Mochiato Double Cap easy on the whip with Equal. Lets not pretend we are more civilized than 150 years ago. If you get to the Moon, lay your claim and do what you will. It makes me sick to think that an enterprising individual or conglomerate makes the journey and lays claim only to be served by papers from Tom Cruise and L. Ron's head in a autonomous bipedal exoskeleton saying they already bought the land. And for that matter WHO the HELL is selling the land up there?! Who has the balls to claim the dollars rolling in from selling land only a handful of people have walked on in the name of goodwill and exploration? What because a bunch of aristocratic assholes that adorn the pages of publications I wouldn't wipe my own ass with gave me cash I can sell lots on the Moon? NUH UH bucko, like the 49ers that would laugh their denim clad asses off at your request to vacate their land waving a paper, they're there and your not. Hate to break this to you but that star you had named doesn't mean shit neither. If ya like I can take a dump in a pretty tin and put that in the Copyright office, it'll have about the same meaning.

Yeah if you started this little rant and saw moon landings thought, "Moon Landings...so faked". How dare you. How dare you sully the names of Gus Grissom, Edward White and Roger Chaffe - burned alive in their capsule on the platform during a test for Apollo 1. Im sure they were in on the hoax yeah? Nevermind the thousands upon thousands of people that had their hands in on manufacturing, design, training, medical and NASA staff - the pilots. These guys were the best, cream of the crop. They lived for the thrill of flight and they flew the most dangerous crates you'd never heard of. You think that those egos, pride and personalities could be coerced to take part in a hoax on that scale. Forget your waving flag no stars relfection and lighting theories. It was a scary time when the sound of Red footsteps and signals from above lit a fire under our asses and we got the job done. By the way we ran out of coffee this morning.

You Called?!

2006-08-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

We had fun, lots of laughs and beers. I fear one day I must face a friend of a friend of mine at the table. She was described as being a 6 foot tall korean girl that loves to play poker. When sighted by the guy telling me about her she was wearing a business suit! Pray to God I don't have to play against her. While not Korean this one pictured [left] is about the worst possible foe for me.

Ugh on with the pain. So first hand. I fear this first one because for some reason people feel the need to take this time to make a statement. There isn't anything before it to put the betting in perspective, it's just a bad time for me. I had to suffer so must everyone else. I get dealt pocket 9s under the gun. Raise it up 3x the blind, industry standard. I get 2 callers and bingo bango bongo I spike a 9 on the flop. . . I got a set baby. Players to my right and left. Right guy makes it $3. Two spades on the board 9, J, 3. Screw this I'm going to protect my set. I get out the big gun, fire out $16 BAM, clear message right? Guy to my left thinks about it not very long I might add. . . "Im all in". Right player jumps out I call immediately. He says. . . "Spade draw?" Turn over Gretzky, boo-ya-shaka. He shows Q 10 off suit. A freakin open ended straight draw after I over bet the pot, bad pot odds for him and he's looking for 8 cards in the deck ( any 8 or K ). . . . Sooooo I'm rebuying back in shaking my head. . . . .

My Stomach in Knotts

2006-08-14T08:10:00.000-07:00

The unknown, anticipation and streaking down metal tracks. Well worth the $40 it cost to get in the park. Overall the visit was a bit less than pleasant. I had fun dont get me wrong, but do the other people have to be there? You know the ones, incompetent teenage crewmembers, feral children and fat women showing what they got. . . and they got a whooooole lot trust you me. At the Firemans BBQ Pit the line to place our order took entirely too long. The genuis behind the counter held up the line while 3 of them in there just gabbed like schoolgirls. The reason, lady didn't take her tray from the window so he just waited for a few minutes until someone said something. Then a sign from above. . . literally. A bird shat on my wifes shoulder. No napkins around. Fine I have to...I use my fingers to remove it, I got five of them after all. Now I wanted pork ribs meal and she wanted chicken meal. Seems easy. Aristole back there decided that he'd combine the two into one, nevermind the fact that we have two drinks as well. After what I thought would be correcting the mishap I ask for my pork rib meal, he didn't charge us for so he does so now. Wonder where he thought a little Japanese girl would put all that food, maybe take some initiative and figure that one out huh? Food ended up not being that great, fatty ribs. . . obscenely fatty.

These kids? Do people find them in the forests and adopt them? I think that the parents were found themselves in the wilds and have propagated the cycle. Stagecoach ride. Line has switchbacks, amusement park standard. At one end is a high wall bordering the road for the coach. Oh look horseys. We'll just stand here and watch them do nothing but nip at eachother and twitch. Meanwhile the line as cleared one full aisle in front of them and is backing out the entrance. THEN one of the two ladies acknowledges that "We holdin up the line looks like" then goes right back to equine-gazing! Along with her kids being told repeatedly to get down off the wall. Behind them are two more ladies with 3 hellspawn of their own. One had a plastic straw in his mouth and was playing it like Dizzy plays the trumpet. Then they do the same thing... hold up the line to look at the ponies! People behind me are annoyed so I say "Excuse me"...nothing. Tap on the shoulder.. "Ma'am are you going to move?" Then I get the stink eye from a little sonuvabitch. "Boy I will slap you like the father that abandoned you and mommy". Even the staff had to tell the first group to keep moving ... AGAIN. Back to the ones in front of us. Now they are bored. So the kids jump line and go tromping off doing whatever they please. Moms dont seem to care that the kids are prime candidates for abduction. At one point they realize they are gone and "look" around without moving an inch wondering where they went. A brief glimpse of them on the otherside of the ride and they are reassured they are ok. The operators had to tell the kids to get down, wheres your mommy at, go back there, dont do that, get off the chain repeatedly. Each kid of the three too. Just a friggin nightmare.

We're a democratic society. All those in the queue should be able to, by a show of hands, request a beating of said children or ejection from the line. Oh yeah did I mention that I was hung over too?

Of Ignorance and Makeup

2006-08-11T08:33:00.000-07:00

Gooood morning all, Friday moring, I got my coffee and a few other things ;-) so I'm feeling alright. Especially since I'm not going anywhere near an airport in the near future. Since the story broke early yesterday morning I wanted to get caught up when I got home so I turn to the one news channel with the brilliance enough to have Darth Vader do their call letters. "This is CNN.... *ooooooopaaaaahhhh...ooooooopaaahhh*. That was his breathing btw, not Ricky Martin or Chris Kattan doing his impersonation thereof.

Several people are being interviewed in the terminals. Leave it to the producer, editor or whoever is the goto guy on deciding who gets on air - they put on the most vacuous morons this side of D.C. Our first contestant is a woman in her 50s, thats right lady Im being generous so dont bitch, any teacher you've had in elementary school...there she is. Paraphrasing since I fear remembering exactly what she said would condemn me to life in a helmet with my name written on the front with a Sharpie. Oh and she has this spacey look in her eyes. "They're making us get rid of all this stuff, makeup and my blush *she begins to rub her rosey cheeks with two fingers* I dont think you can blow up a plane with blush".

OK, no shit lady. You really think Abdul-Musef-Hamid-Smith is going to use cosmetics, normally with no explosive properties over the counter, to blow up a plane. Someone needed to inform her that terrorists were disguising bombs as common everyday items. The material that goes boom looks like shit we use everyday -- she needed further explanation! Or did she? Another shot of her shows same lady standing in front of a trash container with her makeup case. "$80 worth or makeup...*tosses it into the bin* "that hurt." she says in a whiny voice.

My other favorite star was this guy that looked pretty young. Not much going on here other than the line of the century. "Man I wish I'd known about this, I mean...if you dont watch the news you just dont know whats going on." You can't see it but I've been staring at the screen for about 5 minutes. DUUUUDE I wish I hadn't drove this ice pick into my stomach...it like...really hurts. At this point that would be less painful than having to listen to these people.

If not for the Brits, about 1000 people alive today would not be either today or in the coming few. And all she can say is that it hurts to sacrifice $80 worth of makeup and he says if you watch the news you know whats going on. You gotta wonder why other countries hate and mock us.

Ow My Head

2006-08-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

My usual Wednesday night with the guys got bumped up to last night. A 6 pack of delicious satin smooth Asahi Super Dry later I'm drinking coffee like its falling from the sky, just set the cup out side let it fill call it good. Later in the evening as things were winding down my bud and I discussed thoughts on the Moon, Mayan Calendars and religions. I had on the local news broadcasts looking for news on a gruesome accident on the I-5 last night in Tustin ( right down the road from us ). Out of tragedy comes rejoicing, for I have discovered Maria Quiban. Momma where have you been all my life?! New rule... All news must pass over the lucious lips of this siren of journalism. And although I suppose technically this would be considered nishe nishe, Michelle Wie the golfer - 2 years darlin' look me up know what I'm sayin'? I'll help ya get through the rough, negotiate the traps, help you tee it up... you know what...golf is not really a sexually charged sport at all. Even with all those balls going in holes..no..is no sexy.

State of the 01001001

2006-08-08T13:12:00.000-07:00

So! I just decided to go with what I know. Video games woo hoo! I feel lucky to have grown up with this industry and seen the exponential changes its undergone. All the way back to the days when monocolor lines that formed simple polygons were as real as it got. As a kid I was content with a world being as large as the screen was. My enemies and foes we're not threatening because of their appearance, but because they wanted to eat my quarter or end my turn or force me to pass the controller.
These days our worlds are vast taking in some cases hours to cover in their entirety. Our enemies are as real as our imaginations will allow composed of hundreds of polygons approaching photorealistic quality. Sound immerses us in the world we enter assaulting our senses from any direction. Right now wars are being fought, alliances formed, friends made, anger harvested, thoughts provoked and in the rare cases love found.
As the rate of computing power increases daily, we are only restricted by our imaginations as to what we'll see next. I can't wait to see what the next 10 years will bring after what I've seen so far.

Excursions into Elsinore

2006-08-07T10:12:00.000-07:00

"Alright dude, cool we're on our way then. Ok ...ok cool see you then." Thats the end of the conversation that I hear from the guy next to me.
"We good then?"
"Yeah...." I can sense the hesitation.
"What?"
"He's not home yet but he said he should be there when we get there." Great. Dunno why guys in this trade are so flakey. Well actually yeah I do the question really answers itself. Nature of the beast I suppose. Ever the optimists we head down south to the road that would lead us inland to a place shrouded in mystery and a strange haze that I dont remember what...damn Im hungry man.
For those not in the know. A two lane highway exists between the I-5 and a groggy burb called Lake Elsinore. One lane each way undivided, its twisting tight turns are a favorite for motor enthusists of all kinds. As a result it is also notorious for deadly accidents. Head on collisions and cars rolling down hillsides is the norm. One minute all is happy, kids are singing Coombaya in the back of the family truckster. Next you're lying all mangled in a twisted metal coffin 100 feet down from the road Daddy and Mommy are taking a dirt nap.
Negotiating the way there isn't too bad. Couple of motorcycle clubs and sportscar guys are about as exciting as it gets. A sign along the side of the road shines like a beacon to a boat far from home. "Jerky" it reads. All kinds. So exotic too, venison, turkey buffalo how can we resist? And ever the visonaries, this stuff is going to taste really really good in about 2 hours. Loading up with about $30 bucks of cured meats we continue inland.
The entrance to the valley where the lake is can be quite majestic. Below you hundreds of feet you can see the homes of the populace. We're on time and make the arrival call.
"Ok...so when do you think you'll get back? Uh huh...ok....alright...yeah no worries." Not home yet we wait. Big surprise there.
Pit stop at Del Taco. Dining with the fine local citizens. We're finally in the clear after about an hour of vamping. We arrive at an apartment cluster. This is the other guys gig so I'm just along for the ride as it were. We get to the door and are greeted by a guy that looks like he's been nappin' for awhile...and he must have allergies with his eyes all irritated.
Quick backround on this cat. His job for the county is to park at a predetermined spot then walk in X direction in a straight line and catalog the plant life that he finds along the way. On the side he makes devices out of Corona bottles. Quite the entrepreneur to be sure, the other underlings seemed to look up to him. Also a fan of music and art, his friend plays a plastic didgeridoo from a Lazy-Boy. Native American oil paintings from a gas station adorn the walls. By now you the reader know what is going on here. If not I suggest you tell Peggy Sue you can't hold hands after class cause you got some learning or yer own to do.
"So what did ya want to get?"
"Eh...2 O's?"
"Alright cool be right back."
He heads to the back and returns with our request. Apparently there is a code of sorts. I would love to know how it came to be, but you have to "hang" around for a period of time and even partake with the vendor. Cut to quick jump everyone is chill hanging out. Knock at the door. Now normally that would be fine. But not for us two, we're aliens here as far as I'm concerned. Our host answers the door and we hear the two conversing.
"Hi I was in the area and wanted to drop of this Bible for you" First red flag. "if you ever wanted to read it or you know.. you have people coming over you dont want to" second, third, fourth and fifth red flag peace out. Our two intrepid adventurers never saw who was doing the talking...didnt need to. The two did however look at eachother and being to discuss silently when they were going to get the fuck out of Dodge however. The host returns Bible in hand no less. He's looking at it like its Christmas morning.
"Oh cool I've been meaning to pick up a Bible" I myself am dumbfounded at the fact he didn't acknowledge that Jesus' messenger told us to get the fuck out. Weeeeell bout time for us to get going...we ah....weeeeee got people waiting on us ( friends we desperately wanted to see again ). Now this was the fun part. Some bible thumper could be lying in wait or have alerted L.E.'s finest to the goings on. We're heading out the door now and in our minds our shit is switched on. Charlie team to Hotel...we're on the move to the wagon stand by. Every corner is potential bad times, my companion is making sure they are clear I got my keys in hand. Now I had planned on waiting things out until evened out upstairs, but ah you know right now I'm a member of the Andretti family. About the time we get back into the 2 lane highway of death I realize how bad an idea this is. A bit late sure but hey, Deer Jerky.

Fun with Tech Support

2006-08-07T09:46:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe that these are real. After driving on our roads and standing in various checkout lines, you know it's not that hard after all.

I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using computers since forever.

* Tech Support: "All right. Now click 'OK'."
* Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
* Tech Support: "Yes, click 'OK'."
* Customer: "Click 'OK'?"
* Tech Support: "That's right. Click 'OK'."
* Customer: "So I click 'OK', right?"
* Tech Support: "Right. Click 'OK'."

Pause.

* Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."
* Tech Support: "YOU CLICKED 'CANCEL'???"
* Customer: "That's what I was supposed to do, right?"
* Tech Support: "No, you were supposed to click 'OK'."
* Customer: "I thought you said to click 'Cancel'."
* Tech Support: "NO. I said to click 'OK'."
* Customer: "Oh."
* Tech Support: "Now we have to start over."
* Customer: "Why?"
* Tech Support: "Because you clicked 'Cancel'."
* Customer: "Wasn't I supposed to click 'Cancel'?"
* Tech Support: "No. Forget that. Let's start from the top."
* Customer: "Ok."

I spent the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady's unique computer.

* Tech Support: "All right. Now, are you ready to click 'OK'?"
* Customer: "Yes."
* Tech Support: "Great. Now click 'OK'."

Pause.

* Customer: "I clicked 'Cancel'."

The Becoming of a Monster

2006-08-06T22:49:00.000-07:00

Insipred by Nightbane RPG by Palladium Books

"One hundred twenty five, one hundred twenty six, one hun....one hundred...." I lost count again. While it's hard to fall asleep, it's even harder to keep track of which cottage cheese bump on the ceiling I've tallied or not. Insead of begining anew I stare at a point in space on the ceiling. As I focus my eyes I beging to see shapes and images in the randomness. If I concentrate enough I can keep seeing them. Shift my eyes even the slightest bit and it's lost, only to be replaced by another. One minute I can see the face of an old man, the next some cryptozoological nightmare. Making no effort in subltly, the front door announces he's home. I don't need the clock to tell me what I already know, it's late and at any moment she's....

"Where the fuck have you been?" what I'm guessing she said. The walls muffled it, but I'm making an educated guess on that one. Life if pretty routine around here. More explitives and anger gets lost in the walls, but I know it'll only get worse before it gets any better. It always does. Even if sleep had found me I doubt it would have lasted with tonights exchange. More shouting then a door slams; the calm before the storm ensues. Maybe they'll just let it go. I roll over and try again...

THE SCREAM!! Im jerked upright out of my bed like a misbehaving marionette. This time I think Im actually afraid. My right foot finds the floor and I pause like a deer in the headlights. I'm staring at my door as it seems to grow more distant from me. Maybe that's just my subconscious helping me out on this one. Goddamn the sonuvabitch must be really tore up something fierce. As much as I dispise him and the skanks he keeps cycling in and out, that scream continues to reach my conscious clawing at it in desperation. I still haven't moved. I feel the stiring within. Something kicks me in the ass and I slowly creep my way over to my door. Being stealthy won't be a challenge. Her repeating pleas will drown out any sound I make short of playing Wipeout on kitchenware. I'm really begining to doubt the choice that has lead me this far. Making my way throughout the dark house I keep telling myself its going to get better. Another few screams and cries quickly dispell that thought. Fear and dread on the rocks with an adrenaline floater just found it's way to my gut as I arrive outside their door. My eyes clinch tight along with my fist. I reach out towards their door and begin to turn the knob. As close as I am now, opening the door into the room gives the cries a new voice. No longer do any objects or barriers to interfere with her voice. She reaches my ears directly now and I have to again fight the urge to retreat. I can see what he is doing to her.

Dimly lit, the darkness still reveals the horror within. I've passed the point of no return now. The hard part was over. He's so intent on what he's into at the moment he'll not notice me before.....she does. Forcefully he repostions her ignoring further pleas. In a second her face of abject fear is replaced by a desperate stare aimed directly my way. All the hateful words we've exchanged in the past are irrelevant in this moment. Which is all he needs to realize they are no longer alone, someone has.....witnessed him.

"GET OUT YOU LITTLE BASTARD" he bellows at me. This is one of those moments in life you really can't think about too much. That monkey in the tree somewhere deep inside you is in control now.

"Help me .......!" I think she said my name too but it sounded unintelligible. Wrong move on her part. He's going to use her to scare me. Not that he hasn't all ready accomplished that much. To be honest I wasn't that scared at this point in time. Not until I saw the dark spot on the bed that had already began grow beneath her. Anger, fear and a multitude of other indistinguishable emotions ruptured the surface somewhere inside of me. Angered by her defiance he drew his fist back.

"Shut up WHORE!" to punctuate that statement he came down upon her without any restraint. Between the visceral image and wet crunching sound, emotions inside me left the breached surface far behind. They rose inside like mercury on a blistering day. To add insult to injury he slaps her lightly across the face. Her body involuntarily jumped. Given her natural reaction I'd guess he'd broken her nose. My guess confirmed by a new stain forming beneath her head. Still left with a grain of hope she slowly lifted an out stretched limb, or what came as close to outstreched as she could muster. What else could I do now?

"Help me......please...." I'm still frozen in place.

"Oh you want another one?" he said as his index finger dug into her nose. With it came a new painful wail. God I hate when people put their fingers in my face. Why can't I move or say anything I ask myself. "No one is going to help yer ass out....especially not that piece of shit over there!" Over there was where I was standing, his hand didn't need to illustrate that. I wish it hadn't at the time. What ever blood was on his finger flew towards me like a bolo after he pointed my direction. If he was aiming I dont think he could have done better. I didn't even flinch when it landed. A flavor flooded my taste buds with that unmistakable iron characteristic. I should have been worried what was in that blood, or about the explanation I'll give to the cops (when they arrive, they know the way) as to how it got on me. I couldn't worry about anything. I was frozen in time. You know all of those emotions I told you that broke thru the surface earlier? Well now they were riding the nose of a rocket into low orbit. At first I didn't panic because I've been really pissed off before. It's gotten me in enough trouble to keep me bouncing from home to home with fine upstanding citizens such as my current hosts. This feeling then and there was like nothing I'd known. I felt the surge growing exponentially from head to toe. Then it started to happen. My point of view seemed to change, I couldn't move my toes anymore and it felt as though someone was grabbing at my hair.

She was the first one to notice. I knew she was scared of him, but this look was aimed right at me. It looked above and beyond anything he'd earned that night. Mind you the man sodomized her til she bled and broke her nose. Out of my periphrial vision two equally unfamiliar objects entered my sight. So much was going on I didn't have the nerve to manually see what they were. If I wasn't in that time nor place I'd swear I'd grown a few feet. I finally possessed something enough to allow me to take a step towards them. *CLUMP*. Well that's not a sound I'm used to hearing when I step... Nor he for that matter. He looked up more confused at first, but his face mirrored hers.

"What is it?" I said. "EH?!" I exclaimed after my question because the voice I heard didn't match what I've heard my whole life. It was much deeper, yet higher at the same time. That's when I noticed my forearms. "This isnt real, this isn't happening..." Now I haven't done any hard stuff for awhile now. When I did the worst times where never like this. Whatever skin I walked in the room with on my torso was gone now. That would explain the looks I'm guessing. When I glanced downwards everything from the waist up was bone devoid of any flesh. Below the waist I was lean and covered with coarse hair. The explanation why I couldn't move my toes anymore was revealed. I had joined the ranks of Mr. Ed and Man O War. My feet...well I didn't have them actually, there were hooves now. Those objects I mentioned in my periphrials felt a lot like horns to my hand if I wasn't crazy. So skeletal limbs, hooves and fur....no horns didn't seem too crazy.

It's not everyday the form you've grown used to seeing becomes the very essence of terror. So I really couldn't be faulted for not noticing the other monster going to his top drawer. I snap back to reality, which seems to be undefined at the moment given my situation. When I look up again her look is still frozen in fear, she's seen a lot this night. He has seemed to overcome the initial shock and is dealing with it as only he knows how. POP POP POP. Talk about a night of firsts. I'd never been shot before. My leg and head felt like they had been tossed into a boiler. The pain came suddenly and sharply, but it wasn't alone. More unbridled rage met it head on in a nitrous fueled collison. When the rage overcame me I had to vent some outward or else risk bursting. My newly formed maw channeled one of the most ferocious beastial sounds mine ears ever heard. Something that would run off a pride of lions from their kill. Feeling minutely relieved I heard 3 objects hit the floor. The disfigured slugs lie at my feet, or hoof I should say. I still have trouble remembering that one. I picked them up with my skeletal limb for further examination. I wasn't dead. Satisfied with my new revalation, I can only imagine how malicious my grin looked to him. "You dropped thse...." as my hand threw back his unwanted gifts. Now explain to me why this always happens. It's obvious these 3 didn't do the job so what in the name all that is logical makes one think the remaining will? It's like something out of a movie. I guess art does immatate life. Speaking of art I was feeling rather creative. I leap forward despite his feeble attempts. The next shots only made things worse. Much worse. I don't think I was even behind the wheel for the next two minutes. The two minutes it took me to show him parts of himself he'd never seen before. I tuned out the sounds of his agony. Or maybe I fed on them. I decided to hang my new piece on the wall still kicking and screaming, but that kicking business would have to stop if I were to be able to create. The metal bed posts seemed to catch my eye. I found they were plyable as wire I which I could add to the ever growing list of amazing events that night. They broke free from the frame as if they were candy canes. I drove one into each shoulder. He didn't mind the pain. It was miniscule compared to what he was feeling already. I dont like talking about what I did next. I fear if I do admit it to even myself I'll lose grasp of whatever humanity I had left inside me. Besides the police report and forensic photos tell the tale in grusome detail. My anger began to wane, receding down that hole it sprang up from. I turned my attention back to her lying there. Mid turn I see it in the mirror. I step back loosing another defensive roar. It's only me. Her crying snaps me out of gazing at my horrific visage. For the first time, or maybe the first time I'm willing to admit, I feel sorry for her and the ones before her. I move toards her in as a non-agressive manner as I can. It's like approaching a stray dog on a rainy night. Shivering and afraid of anything that moves.

"No..no no no please..." she cries. As my skeletal limbs reach out for her, her panic increases. I'm doing my best to calm her, but look at me. I'm an abomination straight out of Hades. As my hands get closer I am reminded of playing with magnets. You reach a certain point and you can feel the pull. I can't explain what happened next really. I would equate it to trying to explain why you eat when you are hungry. It's something you just know. As soon as my hands met her battered body, it was as though I'd touched live wires. I felt sharp pain in my face, below the waist and inside me. Miraculously her body began to heal before my eyes. Instantly her face changed as relief washed over her. I writhed in agony trying to keep on my feet. When it was too much to bear I gave in and fell to the floor. As the seconds passed so did the pain. Eventually it subsided and I could function again. To my amazement she was sitting up in bed clinging to the sheets covering her. More astonishing I found was she was cracking a half smile.

In the distance the sirens wailed disturbing the silence outside. I realized that a few other sounds before must have been a bit disturbing as well. I looked towards her again and she just nodded. "Go.." she mouthed. I didn't need much prodding there. I raised my right hand in a sign of acknowledgement and turned to leave the room. The door it seemed had gotten a lot smaller. Trying to stoop thru without damaging the wall I found it to be an impossiblity. Shrugging I lead thru with my shoulder and crashed into the hallway. I made a B-line for the back door. I found myself in the backyard shaking the drywall and timber off my back....and my wings. While discovering one has wings is exciting enough in and of itself. I had a more pressing issue. What the hell am I? I looked down at my limbs again. Nope not human. Severe panic overtook me as I realized I wont ever look like me again. Im a goddamn monster. I've seen what they do to my type. The sirens reminded me I needed to make myself scarce and quickly. I can ponder my lost humanity without help from the cops. "I wonder if these things are just for show?"I asked no one in particular. Making a few practice flaps I did feel momentarily lighter. I glanced up at the sliver of moon out that night. Took a deep breath and crouched down a bit then lept into the air. My first few motions were a bit awkward at best. Just like a fledgling from the nest you learn quick. The cool night air flowed all over and around me. I felt alive like never before. I felt afraid like never before. After the magic of flight came and went....I began to wonder...where the hell do I go now? What do I do? I felt so alone up there in the night sky, I began to cry. Looking back its almost comical to picture the likes of me crying, but it was my first night. Scaning the horizon the lights from the city seemed like the most inviting place at the moment. Hide amongst the masses in the concrete canyons til I figure out what is going on. Why not? If all else fails I can get a gig as a gargoyle over there. Let's just hope it doesn't come to that.

Hive of Scum and Villany....

2006-08-04T15:51:00.000-07:00

"The scientists of today ( 1934 ) think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane." - Nikola Tesla

"Life moves pretty fast. If don't stop and take a look around every once and awhile.... you could miss it." - Ferris Bueller

Just using these quotes for place holders until I can get something more substancial going.